Have you ever been here?
You ask your child to do something...
...and they completely ignore you.
Or they keep doing what they are doing as if they never heard a word you said.
I've definitely been there.
It used to leave me feeling frustrated. Now, when it happens, I try to see it as a gentle reminder:
Connect first.
We often hear the phrase, "Connection before correction," but I've realized that it starts even earlier than that.
It starts with connecting with ourselves.
So often, especially at the end of the day, my mind is running through a mental checklist:
✔️ Dinner
✔️ Bath
✔️ Homework
✔️ Bedtime
I'm already thinking about the next thing before I've finished the one I'm in. When I'm in "checklist mode," I'm not really present, not with my child, and not even with myself.
So when my son doesn't respond, instead of repeating myself louder, I try to pause. I imagine setting down that invisible clipboard I've been carrying around all day.
Then I check in with myself first.
Am I tired?
Overwhelmed?
Rushing?
Triggered?
Maybe I take one deep breath. Maybe I put a hand on my heart. Maybe I simply give myself permission to slow down.
Only then do I turn toward my child.
I join him in what he's doing. I get curious. I acknowledge where he's at before asking him to shift his attention.
It doesn't take long.
Sometimes just two or three minutes of genuine connection can completely change the tone of the evening.
Because I've learned something that continues to surprise me:
The connection our children need often begins with the connection we offer ourselves first.
If you find yourself in this situation this week, give it a try.
Pause.
Connect with yourself.
Then connect with your child.
I'd love to hear what you notice.
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